dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
