i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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