you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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