i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
