Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize