hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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