yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
