all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
