I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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