Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
