I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
