he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
