Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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