Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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