Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
