it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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