google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
