break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
