He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
