last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
