What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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