if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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