I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
