You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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