My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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