my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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