I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have demons in me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
