sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
