I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
