This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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