i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize