I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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