I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
