I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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