he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
