the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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