Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i believe in u and ur pee
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
