Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
