i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
