Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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