did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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