Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
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I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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