The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
