She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
