dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
