just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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