The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
