Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize