I will die if light touches me.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
