I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have started to decorate penises.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
