we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
