I want to stick my p in your. b.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
