Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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