i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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