I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
