I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
