apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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