hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
