I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
