so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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