If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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