I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
