Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
