We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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