Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
