i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
