There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Terrible idea I love it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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