He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
