he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
