He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
