you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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