what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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