I am puke
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
