Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize