Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
