It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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