"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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