He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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