OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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