Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
