i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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