Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
