Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize